Will O' the Wisp

Nobody tells you how long to wait. People ask you to be patient, to not rush, and that things take time. But how long? I love what George Eliot once said: What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other? Yet, in a world of billions, who wants to do that? Who is out there, making someone else's days easier? Life can feel heavy, even suffocating. So why would I care about your landlord troubles, your rude HR, or the dress you’ve been longing for but can’t afford, among my already messed up days? Its overwhelming. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t overwhelm me. I love to participate in everyday moments, I love to know what conversations you had with the auto driver, why is the delivery taking extra time when it was about to arrive today, what has your manager told you about the new projects, I love to discuss, how annoying is the boss, how polite are the neighbours, and how to save more money.  My happiness does come from making that so called extra effort, the k...

This morning I chose to have coffee over tea. These choices, whether to drink coffee or tea, to take the metro or Uber to office, give me immense joy, and a hint of contentment. Having some, albeit very little, control over certain things that I do is gratifying. I no longer have to drink milk and bread in breakfast out of compulsion or remember to call someone if I'll be coming home late.  In a new city which has its own aura of clusters and glories, achieving these small joys, and to be able to make the choices are a tremendous source of mental comfort. I have never truly had a home, so for me, home became an idea, a comfortable state of mind.  Choosing coffee over tea, gives me that comfort, the luxury, which perhaps I might just start calling home.

As an actor  You play roles Everyday You play roles for the audience  Doctor, fisherman, teacher, pilot Child, friend, sibling, neighbour  You read the dialogues You try to understand the words to the best of your ability  Interpret the sounds, the stage, the light, the wit  You question yourself if you are interpreting it right, You take time -  You go back to playing roles, some you like, some you don’t  While being in one character, you miss playing the other Sometimes you try to swipe roles  Sometimes you break characters  Perhaps because you don't like this one, or just plain because you're tired Sometimes the audience don't clap in which you think is your best shot Sometimes they mistake you for being the role that you play. The play ends  The curtain falls You take back some characters  You leave some in the theatre You imitate some, and you detest some  Yet you love to play them You find peace in knowing how different p...

There's a gnawing pain, which keeps coming back, in fragments  It is not a part of my heart, but perhaps part of some air around me.  When I am without it, it hardly touches me, and when it does, I become a part of it.  There's a gnawing pain, which I don't complain much about,  it is an occasional reminder of the things that hurt me.  This pain shapes the bottom of the shirt I wear, sometimes I keep it loose, sometimes I tuck it inside.  This pain decides my hair in the morning, whether to comb in the most serious mood or to keep it casual.  The gnawing pain eventually fades, and I don't complain.  I go back to my everyday routine - breath, eat, travel, work, et al - the basics. I forget about it amidst a very busy day to decide whether to come home by bus or metro. In the middle of all these sometimes I remember that I had felt that pain, I smile And perhaps that keeps the heart alive ....

I have seen daybreaks in the middle of nights  I have seen night breaks in the middle of days  I have known the weather outside anchoring the inside  I have known the weather inside embracing that of outside And I have loved all of them, always Now, for once I specially love the evenings  I can see the day and the night both in the sky  I can see the contrast in the clouds  The contrast of colours which are neither too light nor too dark  They are somewhere floating in the middle Creating shades, in the sky, in my eyes  Among all these convoluted and exquisite colours, I can see you. I can see you Before the clouds, and beyond the clouds  I can see you in all the shades that exist in the sky,  The blue, yellow, orange, purple, red I can see you through the spectrum of million rainbows, and through the monocle of absolute nothingness I can make anything that I want of you And thats what makes life beautiful ... ❤️

  Dear God,  Make them stronger who hurt without knowing the pain they cause,  Make me strong, but make them stronger so that they can face the words they once threw at someone Make them stronger so that they heal from the wound they've been a part of Make them stronger so that they can let it go, even if it is repeatative  Make them stronger so that they don't lose hope of loving and happiness after they come across such agony Make them strong enough, so that they can forgive those who have bled their heart,  And themselves if they realise they have done that too...