Will O' the Wisp

There is a temple across where I stay, and they were playing the Sri Krishna bhajans on Janmashtmi. The music was so mesmerizing that I was completely immersed in the songs, when one particular line of a very famous song struck me. It says, "Kaun kehte hai bhagwan aate nehi, tum Meera ke jayese bulate nehi". I kept thinking about it. How do we know if we have already met God?  In what form do we want to meet God?  In one another epiphanic moment, I realised the idols in the temple have nothing written on them as to what they represent.  Our beliefs, our thoughts and our perception make them supernatural. I can not speak for the people who think God is a wish-granting machine. I stopped asking God to fulfil my wishes since very long. I found it extremely selfish. Instead, as a child I'd talk to them, trying to make conversations. I'd talk and they'd reply.  Even then, their replies were a reflection of how I'd want God to speak. It is almost like the mirror of

 This is probably the 100th time I'm trying to pen this down in the last week. I was not getting the right words to start or to end. This continual attempt to have this written is because I want to have a record of this, so that I can come back to this, read, and re-read it.  It is about something most of us try to search for in others, or oneself. It is about something I have tried very hard to search for in every possible place from the very first day I gained my consciousness. There has been a phase of desperately looking for love, in people, in parks, in benches, in other animals, in everything. Not only for myself, but in general as well. But with time, I have moved on from that phase with immense hopelessness and anguish.  And then there was a day. Very recently in the past. I don't think I have seen love more closely before. It was so near to me. As if I could touch it. But, as Van Gogh says beautiful things need perseverance and disappointments. It went very far very so