Will O' the Wisp

 Very often than not I go back to my childhood pictures. I see a different person there. Someone who was so excited to grow up, go to school, make new friends, meet people, play sports, click pictures, count birthdays, spoke till the other person almost asked her to stop. Memories have mostly faded away of that age, I only remember how I felt in certain situations. Very often than not I go back to the pictures. My eyes fill up. I say sorry to the picture. Every time. I mean it more than I've ever meant any word as I say.  I'm sorry, for not being able to protect it. I'm sorry everything didn't turn out to be as it was thought. I'm sorry for turning out to be a reluctant, apathetic person. I don't feel bad about being apathetic. I don't feel bad about the dangerously pessimistic thoughts I have every day. I don't feel bad about being hopeless. I feel bad because 20 years ago I was a person who wanted to be a good individual and yesterday night I was a per

 I have never visited a sea beach. The much I gather from pictures and videos, I love the sand dunes and the sand castles that people make by themselves. The pleasure is perhaps in making it rather than having a castle as a magical gift from a fairy who was turned some frog centuries ago. I would not like to see, one fine morning there is a castle made for me. But everytime I have tried to imagine me making a sand castle, I have also imagined it crumbling down, unconsciously. I have even imagined crying for that. But today it didn't matter. In my head I saw the sea waves taking away the castle. Within a minute I saw the entire thing reducing just to sands, dusts that people play upon.  I didn't cry.  I don't know if imagining it everyday has made me stronger or time really heals pain. Except the difference is, today it also happened in front of my eyes. Some castles become a question of survival. They crumble down with our hopes. Whether in head or in reality.