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 Very often than not I go back to my childhood pictures. I see a different person there. Someone who was so excited to grow up, go to school, make new friends, meet people, play sports, click pictures, count birthdays, spoke till the other person almost asked her to stop. Memories have mostly faded away of that age, I only remember how I felt in certain situations.

Very often than not I go back to the pictures. My eyes fill up. I say sorry to the picture. Every time. I mean it more than I've ever meant any word as I say.


 I'm sorry, for not being able to protect it. I'm sorry everything didn't turn out to be as it was thought. I'm sorry for turning out to be a reluctant, apathetic person. I don't feel bad about being apathetic. I don't feel bad about the dangerously pessimistic thoughts I have every day. I don't feel bad about being hopeless. I feel bad because 20 years ago I was a person who wanted to be a good individual and yesterday night I was a person who thought I don't care about anyone thing until it affects me.

Anything that keeps the peace. 



And I feel worse about carrying on with an existence that I haven't chosen to have.



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