Will O' the Wisp

 Sometimes I want to be rescued  Not by a prince charming or a princess  But by the time,  By my fate, by destiny if I can call it so Because sometimes I desperately want people to be gentle with me I want situations to be settling, if only a little I know it's not only me It's a lot of us, and we all fight a relatively equally terrible battle  In one way or the other  I'm not sure whether to believe in God  But the wish to be rescued almost resonates like a prayer  Not always, not often, but sometimes Sometimes I wish the people were gentler  The time was calmer  Or perhaps I was rescued ...

If I could tell you that I followed you through the barren land  The decayed forest, the people less roads. I have followed you through the heavy wind  The ruins of the dead and through the void of my heart,  To see how far I can go  To explore what I carry for myself Because only when I can let you go  I can hold myself stronger  And through this quest for the ideal soul, which you were to me I have come a long way with myself  Through this quest for the ideal soul, which you were to me I have become one  The one I wanted to be I have become one, with the journey and all its atrocities  I have become one, that may have cost the deepest grief  The grief that permeates your heart, because you know you need it  The grief which you embrace with time The grief which my friend has called to be a beautiful sadness  Because it teaches you that beauty can be felt with both filled and empty heart

 It's been years, and maybe you've buried my memories by now It's been years and maybe we've forgotten our ways to each other And since it's been years, and we are miles apart  I know for sure, how much you meant to me  How much I cherished you  How much you lit my world up  And now since it's been years, I can see you clearer  There's no fog in the sky, there's no pull backs in my head Now since it's been years, I know for sure how much you meant to me Maybe I, to you It stays this way  Because since it's been years and maybe you have forgotten me by now I know for sure that yours were the first touch of love  That made me feel life's worth it, despite everything Just to know how beautiful love can make you feel. And although we are miles apart, I go back to it quite unconsciously, time and again Without having even the slightest hope that you remember me How you made me feel stays It stays  This way, till the end

   The bell rang. We were to go to the field for Physical Education like other days. A long queue of students quickly snaked away from the oppressive textbook-laden classroom towards temporary freedom. The physical education class was our favourite! We would scamper around the field, play games, and sometimes deceive the teacher's eyes to do everything apart from playing the assigned games. 'Not all who wander are lost,' we told ourselves sagely.  The mango trees in the field were ripe with fruit, but we weren't allowed to take them home. So we would pick the mangoes up, scrutinize them carefully, and hold court on the difficult question of whether they were good to eat raw or as pickles. The squirrels and the cats were our field mates, although the squirrels would never bother to stay for a second when they'd see us. They were very quick to disappear into the trees. And the more they disappeared, the more they would fascinate us. I remember we would have discussio...

There is a temple across where I stay, and they were playing the Sri Krishna bhajans on Janmashtmi. The music was so mesmerizing that I was completely immersed in the songs, when one particular line of a very famous song struck me. It says, "Kaun kehte hai bhagwan aate nehi, tum Meera ke jayese bulate nehi". I kept thinking about it. How do we know if we have already met God?  In what form do we want to meet God?  In one another epiphanic moment, I realised the idols in the temple have nothing written on them as to what they represent.  Our beliefs, our thoughts and our perception make them supernatural. I can not speak for the people who think God is a wish-granting machine. I stopped asking God to fulfil my wishes since very long. I found it extremely selfish. Instead, as a child I'd talk to them, trying to make conversations. I'd talk and they'd reply.  Even then, their replies were a reflection of how I'd want God to speak. It is almost like the mirror of ...

 This is probably the 100th time I'm trying to pen this down in the last week. I was not getting the right words to start or to end. This continual attempt to have this written is because I want to have a record of this, so that I can come back to this, read, and re-read it.  It is about something most of us try to search for in others, or oneself. It is about something I have tried very hard to search for in every possible place from the very first day I gained my consciousness. There has been a phase of desperately looking for love, in people, in parks, in benches, in other animals, in everything. Not only for myself, but in general as well. But with time, I have moved on from that phase with immense hopelessness and anguish.  And then there was a day. Very recently in the past. I don't think I have seen love more closely before. It was so near to me. As if I could touch it. But, as Van Gogh says beautiful things need perseverance and disappointments. It went very far v...

I never wanted a castle built for me for saving the frog in the sea who accidentally turned out to be a fairy under a curse. I wanted to build the castle myself, choosing every part of it carefully and consciously, with love and affection. I believe I'd find the bricks and cement in course of life. But I probably was not prepared for the crumbling of the grounds, the natural disasters that have the fair chance to shake the surface.  Each day is a learning experience, I'm not sure how much of what I had thought the castle would be made of, will I find, but I still hope to build the castle. Perhaps with different elements. Perhaps on a different ground.